My Self-Care Routine Is 80% Lying Down
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(And Honestly? It’s Working Just Fine.)
Let’s be honest: when people talk about “self-care,” they usually mean bubble baths, gratitude journals, and a skincare routine that requires a PhD and a second mortgage.
But that’s not what we’re doing here.
Welcome to Fine, I Guess, where self-care sometimes means ignoring notifications, laying horizontally for unreasonable amounts of time, and watching the same three comfort shows until your brain stops buzzing.
If your idea of a perfect night is canceling plans, rewearing your comfiest sweats, and eating cheese directly out of the bag—congratulations. You’ve already mastered 80% of this highly advanced self-care routine.
Let’s break it down.
🛏️ Step 1: Assume the Horizontal Position
Do you need to meditate? Maybe. Will you? Probably not.
What you can do is lie down.
The floor. The couch. Your bed. A pile of unfolded laundry that’s basically a soft chair now. Whatever works.
Reclining is sacred. It’s how the Romans dined. It’s how cats exist. It's how your nervous system gets a second to breathe after you’ve survived another round of late-stage capitalism.
Lying down is free. It’s effective. It’s the opposite of hustle culture.
10/10. No notes.
☕ Step 2: Snacks Are Self-Care, Don’t Argue
Is it a full meal? No. Is it a dinner that hits your soul like a weighted blanket? Absolutely.
Charcuterie is just a fancy word for "I opened three bags of snacks and arranged them on a plate while standing." And that’s enough.
Sometimes, nutrition looks like a vegetable.
Sometimes, it looks like “I remembered to eat before 3 PM.”
Both count. We celebrate wins here.
📺 Step 3: Rotate the Same 3 Shows Forever
You don’t need a new series. You need The Office, Parks and Rec, or whatever emotionally destroyed you between 2005–2015 playing in the background while you stare into the middle distance.
You’re not wasting time. You’re regulating your nervous system with deeply familiar content that asks nothing of you emotionally, unless you're rewatching the “I love you 3000” scene. In which case, cry it out. That’s step 3.5.
🧼 Step 4: Optional Hygiene, No Judgment
Did you brush your teeth? Gold star.
Did you put on deodorant and call it a “shower”? We support innovation.
Self-care isn't a checklist. It’s a vibe. Sometimes you have the energy to exfoliate, moisturize, and emerge like a radiant forest nymph. Other days, you Febreze your hoodie and keep it moving.
Both are valid.
📵 Step 5: Protect Your Peace (by Ignoring Everyone)
Let’s be honest: the most healing thing you can do for yourself might be turning your phone on Do Not Disturb and meaning it.
No, you don’t have to respond to that text right now.
Yes, the group chat can wait.
You are not a 24/7 emotional support animal.
Unplugging isn’t rude. It’s revolutionary.
Final Thought:
We’re not here to romanticize burnout or pretend that a nap will fix your entire life. But we are here to say that rest is productive. Doing less is sometimes doing the most. And if your self-care routine looks more like a raccoon in a hoodie than an influencer in a bathrobe, you are so valid.
Take care of yourself. Or at least… lie down while thinking about it.
You’re doing great.
Fine, even.
I guess.